last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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