it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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