I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
