we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
