That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
