Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
