I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
