At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
