She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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