that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
