I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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