I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
