at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
