After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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