we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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