Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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