By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
