Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you win again, gameday.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
