Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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