Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
