every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
