i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The struggles of a small town man whore
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
