know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
birth control should be required to get into college
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
