Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
