I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
