If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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