When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
