i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
