The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
