thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
