My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize