i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
