she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
