people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
