Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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