Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
