I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I love you. Go after that dick
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
