Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
