Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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