I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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