my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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