last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
