Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
