It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just forgot I was standing up.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize