Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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