I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
