I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
