I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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