just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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