He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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