Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
