Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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