You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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