the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
