Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
