He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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