well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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