I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
