you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize