Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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