I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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