Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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