I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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