i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
