I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
