i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
