wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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