If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
