Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
