Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
