I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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